I am a single mother of eight and nine-year-old girls. As you can imagine, we often get asked the question “where is dad?” Our answer is simple: “we do not have a dad.” Through the years I have come to realize that our very matter-of-fact tone seems to surprise and even sadden people as often they respond, “oh I’m so sorry.”
But I am not sorry at all. This was my well-thought-out plan. When I say I am a single mother by choice I really mean it. My choice was not plan B or the result of a lost dream. I am not a single parent because of a divorce, death, or an unplanned pregnancy. I actually planned and adopted both of my daughters by myself.
I did not grow up dreaming about becoming a single-parent one day. However, as life progressed, the idea of becoming a mom became so exciting that it became forefront in my mind. My desire was so strong that I pursued what I dreamed about as an adult.
While being a single mother seems very natural to me and I do not think about it too often (probably because I am far too busy), I am surprised at some of the comments I get from acquaintances and even from friends. Some say “You are so strong to go it alone.” I certainly do not feel strong. In fact I often I feel tired, weak, rundown, confused and frustrated, exactly like my married mom buddies. Some comment that I must think children are better off raised “my way” without the input of another. I know my way is not always best. I am constantly seeking helpful advice. And still others think that I must not like men but I do like men. I became a single mom because I wanted children more than anything else and I happen to be single.